Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

Succession: Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

As one of the funniest characters in Succession, Greg has been the source of too many memorable quotes throughout the series.



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Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

Cousin Greg might just be the funniest character on Succession. Standing out amongst his wealthy, powerful family members, Greg’s awkward, nervous, and blundering personality has made for some of the most memorable quotes of the entire series.

It’s not just his words that make Greg so great, it is also Nicholas Braun’s mumbling and bumbling delivery of his lines that gives the character such a loveable disposition. There is quite frankly too many iconic Cousin Greg quotes from throughout the series so far, but Succession fans might remember these ones the best.

11 “You Better Give Me The Money, Dude.”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

On the second episode of Succession, Marcia tasked Greg with going to Logan’s house to pick up his slippers while he recovered in the hospital. Upon arriving at Logan’s residence, he asked the doorman to pay for the taxi as it had been previously established that Greg did not have any money at the time. Being that Greg was essentially a brand new face, the doorman did not recognize Greg and refused to pay.

What followed was a perfect display of Greg’s cringeworthy personality. He tragically stumbled through his explanation of who he was, what he was doing, and why he couldn’t pay, but his mess of words just did not translate for the doorman nor the taxi driver. The sheepish, hilarious interaction was the first example of Greg really trying to stand up for himself, despite not doing so very well at all.

10 “It’s Not Like They Pre-Poop Them, They’re Just Bags Really.”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

On Greg’s first day of work at Waystar Royco, he was basically going from 0 to 100. Just before, he had been broke and unemployed. Then suddenly, he was thrust into the high ranks of a big-wig corporation. When he arrived at the office, he started stocking up on free cookies, citing that his “body [was] growing weak due to a lack of sustenance.”

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However, the only thing Greg had to put the cookies in was an empty bag made for picking up dog poop. When Tom called him out for this ridiculous choice, Greg said, “It’s not like they pre-poop them, they’re just bags really. It’s a mental barrier.” The entire situation really showcased just how out of place Greg was among the rich elites.



9 “Likewise, Your Excellency.”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

When the Roys and kin traveled to England for Shiv and Tom’s wedding, audiences finally got to meet Caroline Collingwood, the Roy children’s mother. It wasn’t just viewers, though; Greg met his distant family member for the first time as well.

During their first interaction, Caroline said, “Pleased to meet you.” Upon hearing Caroline’s British accent, Greg seemingly replied out of instinct with, “Likewise, your excellency,” as if she were a British Royal. Caroline’s response was just as funny as she introduced the phrase “Greg the Egg” after remembering him as an egg-shaped baby.

8 “I Can Take A Lot In Terms Of Psychological Pain, So…”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

Kendall Roy, a deeply complex Succession character, showed an extreme act of kindness when he gifted Greg a huge, empty, expensive apartment to live in. Greg had been searching for a place to live for quite a while with no luck, and considering the way he was typically treated by the Roys, he simply couldn’t believe the offer at first.

“I can take a lot in terms of psychological pain,” Greg said in reference to his constant belittlement, assuming Kendall was joking about the apartment. As someone who faces an extreme amount of manipulation from the Roy family, this quote of his essentially sums up Greg’s character perfectly.

7 “We Hear For You.”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

In season 2, Greg and Tom became important players at ATN, the conservative news network on Succession. As the head of the department, Tom was required to make a speech on behalf of all of ATN and planned for his signature slogan to be a supportive “we hear you.”

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Greg worriedly pointed out that this slogan could be problematic for the company considering that ATN does actually listen in on its consumers’ at-home conversations. Upon scrambling to come up with a better solution, Greg suggested, “we hear for you,” a non-sensical play on “we hear you” and “we’re here for you.” Although it sounds absurd, Tom and Greg agreed that it was a happy medium, but Tom was ultimately laughed at because of it.

6 “I’m Involved In a Criminal Conspiracy. Oh Really? Yes, Yes I Am…”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

Who could forget when Tom made Greg miss Thanksgiving to cover up the cruise ship scandal by shredding the damning documents? Greg himself will surely always remember as he still continually finds himself stressing about the situation throughout the series.

When the cruise ship cover-up was unveiled to the public in season 2, Greg started to more seriously worry about his involvement. During a private moment in a fairly public bathroom, Greg went into a long-winded, nerve-wrackingly hilarious monologue to process what could happen next, including the possibility of him going to jail.

5 “Negotiate A Bit Of A Grexit.”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

One time Greg really stood up for himself was during a conversation with Logan in season 2. After nearly reaching a moral breaking point in terms of working at ATN under Tom, Greg asked Logan about potentially leaving his position for a different one.

Greg suggested that he and Logan could “negotiate a bit of a Grexit,” a fun play on his name and the notorious British exit “Brexit” from the European Union. While the line was incredibly silly and on-brand for Greg, it was still quite bold of him to say to the most powerful character on Succession, making the situation even funnier.

4 “Yes, If It Is To Be Said, So It Be, So It Is.”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

The episode in which many Waystar Royco representatives had to speak to the United States Senate regarding the cruise ship scandal was quite intense for all those involved, but for the nervous wreck that is Greg, it was the most stressful moment of his life. In multiple attempts to speak formally, Greg started adding unnecessary words to his sentences.

To start off, Senator Eavis simply asked Greg if he was Tom’s assistant. Although it should have been an easy question to answer, Greg completely stumbled and stuttered through his response: “yes, if it is to be said, so it be, so it is.” When Senator Eavis asked Greg to speak normally, Greg tried, but miserably failed.

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3 “Shut Up… Sorry.”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

Greg made his first major power move of the series when he secretly saved some of the incriminating cruise ship documents that Tom sent him to destroy. Of course, Tom ended up finding out about the papers, which naturally prompted him to make Greg reveal them.

The documents were hidden in a folder labeled “secret.” Tom kept making fun of Greg for his feeble attempt at hiding the papers, so Greg tried to defend himself by telling Tom to “shut up.” Almost immediately after, though, Greg got nervous and apologized. This subtle moment was effortlessly funny and showcased how Greg’s meekness makes him the most likable character on Succession.

2 “I’m More Than A Sprinkle.”

Succession Cousin Greg’s Best Quotes

The cruise ship scandal shook Waystar Royco to its core, so much so that somebody had to take the credit for the issue. When all the main characters gathered to decide who should go down for the wrongdoings, Roman suggested that it should be essentially anyone with some “Greg sprinkles,” implying that Greg should lose his job no matter what.

Greg defended himself, asserting that he does add worth to the company by saying “I’m more than a sprinkle.” And according to fans of the show, Greg is definitely more than a sprinkle; Nicholas Braun is by far one of the most popular cast members of Succession on Instagram.

1 “What If Your Toenails Are Not All That Aesthetically Pleasing?”

One of Greg’s most hilarious quotes came when he was required to take his shoes off before entering the Roys’ yacht. It seems like a small ask to remove shoes on a fancy boat, but Greg made it quite a memorable moment.

In a random yet hilarious short storyline, Greg had to get his feet checked out for an infection while on the yacht. It turned out to be a benign fungus, and the issue was resolved quite quickly, and yet it is hard to forget Greg’s comment about his disgusting toenails.

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