10 Funniest Quotes From Malcolm In The Middle, Ranked

Malcolm in the Middle is one of the best comedies of the ’90s, and with lines like these, its easy to see why fans still love it.

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The ’90s were an interesting time for television, considering the presence of sitcom giants like Seinfeld and Frasier, but there was also the seriously underrated Malcolm in the Middle. The whimsical story of a suburban family and their mishaps redefined the limits to which comedy could be pushed, and did so without losing any of its substance

The acting and plot are stellar, and each character is given the space they deserve — in the end, it’s all of their varied perspectives and the compromises they make that brings the show into clear focus. Another feature is the sparkling dialogue, brimming with witty remarks and depressing comebacks. Which of them is the funniest, though?

10 “It’ll Look Longer When It’s Combed Out, Right?” — Reese

When Reese joins the army, he’s forced to get his head shaved before enrolling. After the barber has gone through the middle of his head with a trimmer, a reverse mohawk so to speak, he actually believes that he can fix the situation at that point.

It’s hilarious, however, when he’s totally bald, and asks the barber if it will look ‘longer’ after ‘styling’. Considering that there’s barely half a millimeter of hair left on his head, it’s just one of Reese’s many classic moments.

9 “Can You Turn On The Siren?” — Dewey

Lois refuses to give a cop visiting her store a “100% policeman’s discount”, for which he later stops her car while her sons are in the back. She confidently tells him that he wouldn’t find anything illegal, except, of course for Francis not having paid sixteen parking tickets for the vehicle registered in her name.

The officer arrests her and places her in his car, and Lois turns to Dewey, telling him that everything’s going to be alright. He interrupts her comforting words by asking if the cop can turn on his siren, which excites him into forgetting all about his mother’s predicament.

8 “A Cannibal Utopia. Interesting” — Hal

When Dewey builds a massive Lego society, Hal enthusiastically offers advice, telling him that it would be a good idea to include a school. The boy casually responds with the fact that every person in his fictional community is “born smart”, which pleases Hal as he thinks it’s a utopia.

That is, of course, until Dewey says that “anyone stupid will be ground up for food.” Hal’s statement here reflects his confusion as well as awe for his son’s genius but creepy kind of intellect. The laughter here is bitter.

7 “Nothing Like Two Days In The Hospital To Make You Appreciate Your Own Home.” — Malcolm

At first glance, this quote seems sweet, with Malcolm finally showing some pleasure at being back with his family after an uncomfortable stint at the hospital. Almost instantly, though, Reese starts bothering him, Dewey wonders if “he was faking”, and Hal basically puts him on the spot.

Malcolm realizes that his earlier announcement was made without considering the full facts, when he says “Nothing like ten seconds at home to make you appreciate the hospital!” Both these quotes work in conjunction to produce the typical sardonic banter the show is known for.

6 “This Time He Used The Exact Same Brand Pen As The Teacher To Change His Grade.” — Hal

Reese has been altering his terrible grades from the beginning of time, but it’s only when he starts high school that he starts wising up to his parents’ detective skills. Or so he thinks.

When he changes his most recent grade, he gives himself a believable C rather than an A, and uses the same pen his teacher uses, hoping to trick Hal and Lois. His parents are certainly impressed by his advancement in this field, comically to a great extent, but he ends up getting a long-term grounding, anyway.

5 “Is Malcolm A Robot?” — Dewey

Another classic example of deadpan humor from Dewey, a boy who says it like he sees it, occurs after Malcolm’s spectacular exhibition of his intelligence at the school fair.

His entire family is stunned into silence by the display, and it’s not until they are all in the car that Dewey genuinely posits this query. Hal assures him that this isn’t the case, but that he’s “very, very, very, very smart.” Unfortunately, this elucidation solves nothing for the youngest Wilkerson.

4 “If You Won’t Drive Me, I’ll Leave Home Forever… Or I’ll Never Leave: Whatever’s Worse!” — Reese

Reese wants to go on a date with Alison, except he can’t take her due to the lack of a valid driver’s ID, and he’s in dire straits when she demands that he chauffeur her somehow or risk being broken up with.

In the absence of all logical reasoning, Reese threatens his parents with either disappearing forever or remaining at their home for the rest of his life, knowing that at least one of the two would scare his parents. Too bad for him that both Hal and Lois are not interested in his feeble attempts at blackmail.

3 “What Does The T On The Wall Stand For?” — Dewey

When Dewey goes to Bible School for the first time, to further the illusion that the Wilkersons plan to join a church so they can nab some “free daycare”, he is quite confused by the environment.

While the conclusion of this brilliant episode — him coming to terms with the idea that God’s existence is irrelevant — is quite fascinating, it’s this line that’s funnier than anything else. Dewey is obviously referring to a crucifix hanging on the wall.

2 “22” — Craig

Malcolm is complaining about a new topic (as usual) and wonders “at what age do you just accept that your life is a piece of rotten garbage and always will be?” Craig appears on the scene, saying that he was 22 years old when he had that epiphany, which is just horribly gloomy, but then he says that it “doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the heck out of every moment.”

Of course, he then makes it sound a lot worse by offering Malcolm “a real treat”, calling the night shift “a camaraderie, a brotherhood of kindred souls, a nocturnal fraternity of the prowlers of the inky netherworld.” This entire interaction is the purest form of dark comedy.

1 “Fate Is Just What You Call It When You Don’t Know The Name Of The Person Screwing You Over.” — Lois

The oldest, Francis, escapes from his military school, which infuriates Lois, and as a consequence, makes Hal super anxious. To help calm her down, he tells her that Francis is his own man, and is responsible for his own actions, ending it with what he believes to be a rather philosophical statement: “we just have to leave it up to fate”.

Lois is having none of this fate nonsense, implying that all problems are caused by other human beings. To quote the existentialist philosopher, Jean-Paul Sartre, “Hell is other people.”

Link Source : https://screenrant.com/malcolm-middle-best-funny-quotes-ranked/