10 Hilariously Inept Chefs In Gaming

You don’t want a meal from this lot.

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Cooking, at a certain level, is exceptionally difficult. You need to have a working knowledge of measurements and flavor profiles, as well as an assortment of proper equipment. Even without most of that, though, just about anyone can cook simple things. Notice how we say “just about anyone”.

This is because, for whatever reason, there are some people whose entire existence is completely antithetical to the culinary arts. These are the kinds of people who somehow manage to burn cold cereal, who don’t bother to taste their own food, or worst of all, create culinary horrors that bring those who eat them to the edge of their lives.

10 Noel Vermillion – Blazblue

Noel is a very kind and endearing person with a powerful love for her friends. Part of that love is giving them gifts, and one of those gifts is her cooking. Unfortunately, Noel cannot cook. It’s not just that she’s bad, it’s that literally anything she attempts to make just seems to spontaneously turn awful.

At the Military Academy she attended, her cooking was often referred to as the “Death Dinner,” and anyone who attempted to eat it had about a 50/50 shot of staying conscious. The only person who can stomach Noel’s cooking is Mai Natsume, due to her magically-messed up sense of taste.

9 El Fuerte – Street Fighter

For El Fuerte, cooking and combat are similar – they are both contests to be won. This is why, in addition to honing his Lucha Libre fighting style, he wants to meet with powerful combatants to learn what they like to eat. However, while El Fuerte does have enough cooking know-how to work as a chef professionally, his understanding of good taste is a bit skewed.

El Fuerte believes that adding something that tastes good to something else that tastes good will yield something that tastes better. This is why he tried to combine E. Honda’s chanko stew with Zangief’s borscht. It worked about as well as you’d think.

8 Alphen – Tales of Arise

Alphen’s mysterious magical affliction prevents him from feeling any kind of physical pain. An odd little quirk of this is that he can’t taste flavors in food that would be considered “painful.” Specifically, he can’t taste spicy flavors unless they are absolutely overpowering.

This is why, whenever he cooks for the party, his food ends up tongue-meltingly spicy. To him, it tastes like a pleasant heat, the closest he can get to actual physical stimulation, but to everyone else, it’s spicy enough to cause painful burns.

7 Bennett – Genshin Impact

Bennett, bless his heart, is an exceptionally unlucky young man. He’s constantly beset by random nonsense and freak accidents, and these bouts of misfortune tend to ripple outwards and affect those around him. When it comes to cooking, this manifests as critical mistakes like forgetting the correct order to put ingredients in a pot.

The resulting creations are almost guaranteed to give someone food poisoning. It’s rather telling that Bennett’s specialty dish is just a fried egg; it’s literally the only thing he can cook without killing someone (and it’s still a bit burnt).

6 Anju – The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

Anju works as the innkeeper at the Stock Pot Inn in Clock Town, and for the most part, she’s good at her job. She does, however, have a tendency to procrastinate on chores and tasks, and she’s not very good at remembering her customers’ faces.

Whether it be due to these factors or some other, unknown reason, Anju is an absolutely awful cook. If you take a look at Anju’s Granny’s diary, you’ll see that Granny has a habit of faking being senile just to get out of eating the food Anju brings her.

5 Stinky – Sam & Max

Sam once described Stinky as a “cantankerous old man who transformed his seething hatred of humanity into a misanthropic smorgasbord of culinary horrors.” While perhaps a bit verbose, that is an apt description. The reason almost nobody eats at Stinky’s Diner is that no mortal stomach can handle the gastronomic monstrosities he cooks up.

Amusingly, Stinky isn’t actually a bad chef; he is perfectly capable of making good food. But it’s his philosophy that his atrocious meals will destroy the weakest members of society and pave the way for a stronger human being. Culinary eugenics, basically.

4 Fuuka Yamagishi – Persona 3

Fuuka has a bit of a complex about her affinity for computers and technology, believing it makes her appear unfeminine. In an effort to balance that out, she took up cooking, but unfortunately, her food is so bad that even a dog won’t eat it, as Koromaru can attest.

The awfulness of her cooking even transcends the boundaries of the game itself; you can’t start her Social Link in the original Persona 3 unless you have a maxed-out Courage stat, because her first event requires you to taste her cooking. That’s how terrifying the prospect of eating her food is to the protagonist.

3 Yukiko Amagi – Persona 4

In a follow-up to Fuuka being unable to cook in Persona 3, Yukiko, Chie, and Rise are all pretty lousy chefs. The reason that Yukiko is on this list, and they aren’t, though, is that Rise can cook, but just likes her food very spicy, while Chie just doesn’t really know anything about cooking. Yukiko, on the other hand, has made many attempts to learn the craft but is regularly sabotaged by her own enthusiasm.

Yukiko likes to add “exotic” ingredients to her food like squid ink or durian in the hopes it’ll make it taste “fancier,” when in reality they just make it outright toxic. While it was Yukiko and Chie together that made the infamous “Mystery Food X” in Persona 4, it was Yukiko alone that continued its legacy in subsequent spin-off games.

2 Papyrus – Undertale

Papyrus is nothing if not dedicated to the things he’s interested in. One of those things happens to be cooking, specifically cooking spaghetti, a pastime he picked up while hanging out with Undyne.

Papyrus has a basic knowledge of various fine cooking techniques, such as aging your ingredients in oaken casks, while not really understanding that such techniques don’t really work with spaghetti. Apparently, though, he’s getting better; Sans comments that maybe in a year or so he’ll actually be able to make something edible.

1 Rosemary – Metal Gear Solid

Raiden loves his girlfriend-then-wife Rosemary dearly, but the one thing he absolutely can’t handle about her is her cooking. In multiple instances throughout Metal Gear Solid 2, Raiden comments that he prefers eating bland, freeze-dried army rations over whatever Rose cooks. If she ever offers to cook him something, he’ll usually try to change the subject.

Apparently, Raiden was able to start eating Rose’s cooking after he became a cyborg, though it was only because he gained the ability to disable his sense of taste.

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