15 Ridiculous Evolutions That Make Pokémon Weaker (And 15 That Are Too OP)
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It stands to reason that Pokémon evolutions will be a bit of a mixed bag.
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As any experienced Pokémon player will tell you, the series really is not big on the whole balancing thing. What with untimely critical hits, paralysis, freezes, flinches and confusion, competitive Pokémon is (as much as so many players, including myself, enjoy it) one heckola of a mess at times.
Alongside all of these sorts of mechanics, there’s also the fact that there’s just an absurd roster of Pokémon now. If fighting games with rosters of twenty or so characters struggle with balance, what happens when you’re talking about a roster of around a thousand?
I’ll tell you what happens: hilarious OP-ness and hilarious uselessness in equal measure, that’s what happens. Luvdisk and Mega Kangaskhan happen.
There’s a real grab-bag of Pokémon, which is why competitive communities like Smogon divide them (and so their metagame) into tiers. This is to prevent Ultra Necrozma crushing Farfetch’d.
With all of this in mind, then, it stands to reason that Pokémon evolutions will be a bit of a mixed bag. Generally, of course, the rule of thumb is that a ‘mon will be stronger after evolving. That’s the logic that’s been hammered into our minds since we were twelve or so years old. Sometimes, of course, this is the case. Laughably pooptastic Pokémon can become utterly ferocious after evolving. The good ol’ classic example being Magikarp.
Sometimes, though, evolving is not the answer. To balance out the super-strong evolutions on this list, we’ve also got some woeful ones that are like living advertisements for the Everstone. Let’s dive in.
30 WEAKER: This Town Isn’t Blobby Enough For The Both Of Us
We’re going to kick this party off the right way, with quite a controversial entry. If you’ve been playing Pokémon competitively for a fair few years, you’ll know that Blissey can be quite the issue. From its stats to its one-weakness (which is almost solely physical) typing and movepool, Blissey is pretty well the very definition of a special wall.
The trouble with that is, the Eviolite exists. Sadly for Blissey, it’s about as physically able as a one-legged kitten with a limp. Oftentimes, then, Chansey with an Eviolite is the more popular option.
29 TOO OP: Swordy McSwordface Isn’t Messing Around
Okay, I’m going to admit this, right here and now: Aegislash is my favourite sixth generation Pokémon, without a doubt. Yes, I totally get how clichéd the Honedge line is:
“Look, ma, I’m a haunted, cursed sword!”
“I have no son.”
Do I care, though? You’re darn skippy I don’t. The thing is, though, Doublade has a strictly physically-tanky role. Suddenly, you get it that evolution stone, and it dials every-dang-thing up to eleven. A huge offensive threat? An immovable bulky object? Thanks to its exclusive ability, Stance Change, Aegislash can do it all.
28 WEAKER: How Do You Make Garchomp Bad?
Now, granted, this may be cheating a little. I’m totally fine with that, though, because if there’s one thing that the world will always need more of, it’s griping about Mega Garchomp. This was the greatest injustice since sliced bread. I know that’s not even how that phrase works, but still. I can’t English when I’m mad.
Vanilla Garchomp has been a popular pick since its introduction. It’s just a speed, power and relative bulk machine, and it’s always brutally effective.
On mega evolving, sadly, Garchomp loses some crucial points in speed. This being one of the cornerstones of all-round Garchomp-ery, it’s very rarely seen as a result. Still, not many mega Pokémon manage to actually be worse than their base forms, so kudos for that.
27 TOO OP: Pincers Over Blades, All Day Long
Way back in Pokémon Red and Blue, Scyther was always one of my favourites. This doesn’t meant I actually thought it was good, mark you, because it totally wasn’t. I’ve always dug its design, though.
That back sprite? That’s the stuff dreams are made of, right there.
With generation two came the Steel-type, and Scyther’s evolution, Scizor. The two share the same stat total, just distributed differently. Ever since then, Scizor has been a mainstay of competitive play (after getting Bullet Punch, anyway) leaving Scyther in the dust. Now it’s just somebuggy that I used to know.
26 WEAKER: What-chu Doing With That Thunder Stone?
I can totally understand why Pikachu keeps getting all of this special treatment. It’s freaking Pikachu, after all. The de facto mascot of this whole treacle machine. Release as many different seasonal versions in silly hats to Pokémon GO as you like, guys.
The thing about that is, it’s also got its own exclusive item that makes its evolved form obsolete. With the Light Ball in hand, Pikachu’s offenses are instantly doubled, making it pack far more of a punch than Raichu can. It’s always going to be offensively-based, after all, so you’re not really gaining anything by evolving it.
25 TOO OP: Is It A Bird, Is It A Freaking Jet Plane?
By this point in the Pokémon franchise, we’ve established a pretty dang universal set of ground rules about how everything operates. You’re always going to want a good stock of Repels before you even think about wandering into a cave, and Route One birds are always going to be bad.
Well, I say always, but Talonflame might have something to say about that last one. Staraptor, though, was a real curveball. This feathery ballistic missile of vengeance and mohawked fury came out of absolutely nowhere. It’s a Flying-type that learns Close Combat, purely because it’s just that angry.
24 WEAKER: When Technology Goes Too Far
Maybe it’s just all the youthful hours I wasted in the Game Corner, buying myself a Porygon back in the day. Whatever the reason, I’ve always had mixed feelings about this thing’s evolutions.
The issue is, we’re defying everything we were taught at Pokéschool back in 1998. Evolving makes a Pokémon better, didn’t you get the memo? We’ve known that ever since our buddy Paul from third grade told us about the old Up and B trick. Dang it, Paul.
Sadly, the first stage evolution, Porygon2, tends to be used much more than Porygon-Z. While Z is a powerful special attacker, its prior form is a fantastic wall. Another case where an Eviolite tends to outclass an evolution.
23 TOO OP: Whale, Whale, Whale… What Have We Here?
Now we’re dang well talking. You see this, right here? This is how you evolve. Wailmer has zero time for gaining a subtle boost in stats, or maybe taking up a secondary typing. When Wailmer evolves into Wailord, it goes all the freaking way.
Wailmer’s official Pokédex height is 6’07’’. Do you know what Wailord’s is?
I’ll tell you what it is, friends. 47’07’’, that’s what it freaking is. It also gains just shy of 600lbs. I think all Pokémon could learn a thing or two about how to evolve the right way from this guy.
22 WEAKER: Dude, Where’s My HP?
Don’t get me wrong here. Nincada is hardly tearing up the competitive circuit with its elite battling prowess. In terms of base stats, movepool and the ability to do anything useful ever, it’s probably one of the most woeful Pokémon in existence.
Through a special event, though, it can evolve into Shedinja. Surely an evolved form will help to redeem this thing a little? Well, it’s tough to say. Shedinja is the most gimmicky Pokémon in the whole roster, with a mighty maximum of one HP point. It relies solely on its ability, Wonder Guard, which renders it immune to attacking moves except for those it’s weak to (which is a lot, being a Ghost- and Bug-type).
21 TOO OP: On My Way To Sweep Your Team
Just a few years back, I’d never have imagined that a time would come that I’d be able to add Politoed to a list of anything OP. Times change, friends, and remarkable and previously unimaginable things will happen.
If we’re being totally frank, it isn’t all that powerful in and of itself. Like Ninetales, it was immediately elevated to greatness by its hidden ability. With Drizzle, it sets up auto-rain when entering battle, which allows all kinds of terrifying hyper offense to destroy your team’s hopes and dreams.
Can Poliwrath, Poliwhirl’s other possible evolution, do that? You’re darn skippy it can’t.
20 WEAKER: Stay In School, Kids
If Slaking has taught me anything, it’s that Truanting is never the answer.
The Slakoth line has always been a big of an enigma to me. I totally understand what they were going for with the whole sloth reference, but Slakoth seemed to get lost along the way. From super laziness to the hyperactive and excitable Vigoroth and then back again? What happened there, guys?
When it does reach its FINAL FORM, Slaking is an absolute powerhouse. To ‘balance’ its stats, it’s afflicted with the awful Truant, which prevents it from using a move on consecutive turns. And so it went on a quick one-way trip to the landfill of competitive Pokémon.
19 TOO OP: Dang, Eevee, Chill Out
Eevee, of course, is the Pokémon known for having a myriad of evolution possibilities. From the Grass-type Leafeon to the latest addition, the adorable Fairy-type Sylveon, you’ve got all kinds of different options here.
Not all of them are competitively viable, sadly.
Flareon is never going to set the world alight, but we’re talking about some real power here.
Between its stellar attack stat and that Toxic Orb clutched in its paw to activate Guts, thing is so much more powerful than it may appear at first. If only it had more than just STAB and Façade to use that strength for.
18 WEAKER: NOW You’re Playing With Power (That Is, You Were)
I know what you’re thinking. This is one heckola of a curveball entry. Join me in a little outside-of-the-box thinking, though, and you might start to understand where I’m going with this one. There’s more to the idea of stronger and weaker than simple stats, after all.
Now, to look at Espurr, you really wouldn’t expect much of it. It’s a cutesy looking little grey puffball. According to the Pokédex, though, it has intense and explosive (literally) psychic power, which it cannot really contain.
What does the Pokédex tell us about its evolved form, Meowstic? That It has “enough psychic power to grind a 10-ton truck to dust” (Pokémon X).
You know what? As compared to the previously unknown and feared levels of psychic power, I’m going to call that a step down.
17 TOO OP: When Kermit Goes Bad
Oh, yes. Here we are, friends. If you’ve played much competitive Pokémon over the last few years, you’ve almost certainly fallen foul of Greninja at some point or another. I suppose that’s what the community deserved for being so snarky about Froakie when it was first revealed.
The worst thing about Greninja? How deceptive it is. Looking at those stats, its speed is its only major asset. It’s offensively inclined, but not particularly powerful. The value of its hidden ability Protean cannot be overstated, though. STAB on everything? Man, that smarts.
And did I mention the super-souped up Ash-Greninja, pictured here?
16 WEAKER: Plant Versus Plant
Here’s another interesting little wrinkle that we haven’t really seen much of in this rundown so far. In some rare cases, through the magic of an evolution item or such, a Pokémon will have a choice of a final form. For newer players faced with a branching evolution, then, the inevitable question arises: which is the better choice?
This is going to vary based on team requirements, of course. Generally speaking, though, in the case of Vileplume versus Bellossom, I’m going to have to plump for the original. Grass/Poison does tend to be a more competitively viable typing, after all.
15 TOO OP: Now THAT Is Going To Hurt Tomorrow
Pokémon X and Y brought a whole heaping helping of unconventional new Pokémon to the table. One of the more interesting, in my eyes, was Dragalge.
One of very few Dragon-types that isn’t weak to those pesky new fairies, Dragalge is a very powerful special attacker with Adaptability.
I didn’t see that coming at all, I must admit. After all, its pre-evolved form, Skrelp, is the most unassuming thing you’re ever likely to nab with your fishing rod. It just looks like a moldy Horsea.
14 WEAKER: Wait, Gengar?
I know, friends. I hear you. The anguished cries, the gnashing of teeth. I can’t blame you, either. I totally get it. Of all the many Pokémon and their mega forms that you could conceivably add to the ‘Weaker’ column of this rundown, Mega Gengar would not be one of them.
The thing about that, though, is that Mega Gengar tends to prefer Perish Trap shenanigans than going for straight-up damage output. With its Gengarite in hand, too, it must forego a damage-boosting item. Life Orb or Choice Specs vanilla Gengar will come out on top.
13 TOO OP: The Fearsome Magcargo
Ah, yes. Now we’re really talking. Never mind feeble weaklings like Mega Gengar. The Pokémon players who really know what’s what roll with the true powerhouses like Magcargo.
Well, no, they don’t. Of course they don’t. In a Pokédex hyperbole sense, though, things are really dialled up to eleven when Slugma evolves. We go from Slugma’s general ‘you know, this thing’s pretty darn hot’ dex entries to Magcargo’s “Its body temperature is roughly 18,000 Fahrenheit” (Pokémon Diamond, Pearl, Platinum).
Is it, Game Freak? Is it really? I’m not having that.
12 WEAKER: Hey, Put That Reaper Cloth Down!
For the next episode of Strong, Independent, Eviolite-Holding Pokémon Who Don’t Need No Evolution, we have Dusclops. Or, as I prefer to call it, the thing that tends to make battles go on until the year 2075.
As a general rule of thumb, when a Pokémon evolves (particularly if more than once), its stats don’t take huge, uncontrolled leaps. For defensively-inclined Pokémon, then, the boost to these stats might be lesser than that provided by Eviolite (a 50% boost to Defense and Special Defense).
It’s all relative, of course, and more offensive builds will definitely want to evolve Dusclops to Dusknoir. If you’re stallin’ and wallin’ the night away, though, it’s better not to.
11 TOO OP: A Whole Barrel Of Pain
Again, I know exactly what you’re thinking here. Is there anything remotely fearsome about the ubiquitous Bidoof? Of course, there isn’t. if you’re anything like me, you’re probably dreading the day that generation four hits Pokémon Go.
There’ll probably be about twenty of them lurking around outside all our homes.
Some of you may not have witnessed the true power of Bibarel. If you underestimate it for a second, it’ll set up all over your face (instantly, thanks to Simple) and flatten you before you even know what’s up.
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