26 Fallout Logic Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words
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Fallout is filled with hilarious logic mistakes and funny moments. True fans need to see these.
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If you were to make a list of the best game universes of all time, the world of Fallout would be right there at the top. Sure, the setting can be a little depressing – what with the whole post-nuclear-apocalypse and all – but what makes Fallout’s world so compelling isn’t the fact that the world has ended and is now filled with desperate people trying to rise from the ashes.
It’s the fact that absolutely nothing makes any sense.
Think about it. If you were to actually wake up after a nuclear attack, there’d be radiation everywhere, everyone would be starving, and the world would be a desolate blasted wasteland fill with death and decay. And while there’s certainly a fair share of that to be found in any Fallout game, there’s so much more to find too, and all of it is completely ludicrous.
Centuries-old twinkies still fresh in the packets? Sounds like lunch. Giant mutant cockroaches? Just a common household pest. Miniaturized nuclear bombs being bought and sold at the corner store? How did society ever get by without them!
With logic like that it seems inevitable that the Fallout universe would become immortalized in the best way possible: memes. So let’s take a stroll down the rabbit hole with the best Fallout logic memes around.
26 Bandits Must Think They’re Invincible
I’ve always found it to be somewhat strange why I keep getting assaulted by bandits in raiders in Fallout. It might make sense early on while I’m wearing a vault uniform and appear like a lost tourist, but eventually, I gain power armor and an arsenal to put a small country to shame. You’d think at that point some poorly armed bandit gang would think twice before messing with me.
They never do, of course, and I inevitably wind up mowing down dozens upon dozens of enthusiastic, but ultimately foolish raiders.
And that’s only if I let them attack me. Usually my sneak skill is so high I could bypass an entire gaggle without them ever noticing me.
25 Maybe All The Bikes Blew Up When The Bombs Fell
Y’know, I never really thought about this. Bikes were invented in the 1800s, require no power source, and could easily be created with the various items one finds in the Fallout wasteland. That’s even discounting the possibility a bicycle actually survived the nuclear apocalypse fully intact and ready to use. Why exactly am I walking around the wasteland rather than biking over it?
This is actually a problem that goes far beyond bikes. Why can’t you tame Deathclaw and start riding it into battle like a noble steed? Why can’t you repair any of the numerous burnt-out cars and actually drive around? Why can’t you create your own armored personnel carrier and take out bandit encampments like a SWAT team?
Maybe it’s because bikes are already trademarked by Pokémon.
24 Extracting Ammo Is A Delicate Operation
Why does Bethesda insist on putting ammunition in toilets? Who in their right mind would stash ammo in a commode? Don’t they know that water will eventually ruin the gunpowder? It’s almost like the developers did this on purpose.
To be fair to Fallout, this is more of a Bethesda issue than anything else, but only in Fallout do you routinely find desirable items submerged in undesirable radioactive toilet water, where one misclick can suddenly see you sucking down water that hasn’t been flushed in centuries.
It’s basically the same as my bong water. I really should clean that thing. Or maybe I should leave it and eventually wake up one day to find bullets stuffed inside. Hmm.
23 The Best Way To Better Guns Is To Steal Them
How many times have you been playing any open-world game and thought to yourself, “Man, that guy has a really cool piece. I wonder if I could lift it off him?” And of course you can’t, so you wind up murdering them and taking their gun off their corpse.
Of course, Fallout makes it pretty simple to get a gun from virtually anyone without bloodshed. All you need to do is build your skills to be a thief. Maximize your sneak and pickpocket skills and you’ll be able to grab anybody’s gun without them ever realizing it’s gone.
But I know of very few people who would forgo the myriad damage buffing skills just so they could steal some dude’s gun. Most of us just murder and loot, and if it breaks a quest down the line, so be it.
22 To Suck, Or To Blow?
One thing that Fallout has always had is a lot of junk. Fallout 4 may make a lot of that junk useful in that you can break it down into its component parts and use them to make something new, but every Fallout prior included tons of junk items that had no use.
Enter the Rock-It Launcher, the weapon introduced in Fallout 3 that allowed you to use all that junk to your advantage and fire it at unsuspecting bandits. Suddenly those teddy bears and screwdrivers are deadly weapons capable of inflicting severe injury.
Then Fallout 4 came along and had a very similar item, the Junk Jet, only this time you had far less reason to fire junk at people because it was all useful. Teddy bears became cloth, broken telephones became plastic and screws, broken cans became elemental aluminum, and nothing could be thrown away. It made some of us wish to a junk vacuum rather than a Junk Jet.
21 That Lock Seems Pretty Sturdy
Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy the lockpick mechanics of every Fallout 4. Probably because I think I’m pretty good at them, and thus a lock is never much of an impediment to my progress. But Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas had the unfortunate requirement that a lockpick skill be of a minimum level before being able to attempt a particular lock. And some of those locks seemed not nearly as sturdy as their level requirements made them out to be.
One day Bethesda games will get to the point where you can just reach through windows to grab what’s on the other side, but until then we get questionable barriers to entry.
20 We Travel As The Crow Flies, Always
Tell me if this is how you too play every Fallout game: you always head straight to your destination, and if there’s a mountain in the way you just keep hammering the jump button until you’ve magically made your way through.
Everyone? I thought so.
That’s how Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas felt most of the time. Fallout 4 has a brand new physics engine that seems to understand that a human being can’t scale a sheer cliff face on their feet alone, but for some reason that just always felt wrong to me. I should be able to scale a mountain with enough grit and determination, and not a single bit of mountaineering equipment. Nothing should stand in the way.
Well, except maybe a certain mutant insect.
19 Speaking Of Which…
Nothing fills a Fallout player with more dread than the terrifying buzzing of a giant, killer wasp. Cazadors were more terrifying than Deathclaws in Fallout: New Vegas simply because there was no escape – a Cazador can easily keep up with a running vault-dweller. Your only option is to stand and fight, and pray.
If you stumble across them in the early game, often your only option was to pray.
It seems fitting that not even Bethesda would be so cruel as to create a winged death machine as vicious as a Cazador. It had to be Obsidian, the makers of New Vegas, to develop such an evil opponent. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost a save file to these depraved beasts. Let’s hope they never appear in a Fallout game again.
18 The Pinnacle Of Armored Perfection
Power armor has been a standby of the Fallout series since the very beginning, but they always felt the same. You’d get a lot of defense, you’d be able to carry more stuff, but ultimately it just felt like a fancy new suit. Might as well find the one that gives you the most armor and then discard the older model.
That changed in Fallout 4. Suddenly you could customize your power armor to do specific things, and that made every power armor worthwhile. Maybe you’d customize one power armor to have a jetpack so you can jump onto the roofs of buildings, while you could customize another to have automatic stimpak applicators that would stim you once you dropped below a certain health. Each one useful for a different situation, and you could keep them all in a run-down garage.
17 Canine Companions Always Had Weird Expressions
If you were to travel the myriad wastes of Fallout, would you want it to be with a dog? I can think of no better companion to have in a world where literally anyone would sell you out to some raiders just for a scrap of food.
Naturally, Rex was the best companion of New Vegas simply because he was part dog, and part machine. Having been a police dog before the bombs fell, Rex is given new life after meeting The Courier and receiving a new brain. Depending on who’s brain you give Rex, he can become more defensive, more aggressive, or faster than before.
But of course, he still has biological components, and living in the wasteland can be hard on the old digestive system. Sadly, Immodium is not a drug that exists in the Fallout universe.
16 Just Drink The Oxygen, Like A Fish
This one always seemed a little off to me. It makes sense that you’d start to lose health after running out of oxygen, but since when did water immediately make one healthy, like some sort of elixir of vitality? Water merely staves off death, it doesn’t actively prevent it.
And yet while you’re drowning you can just open your mouth and actually start to regain health. If you’re still submerged you won’t live indefinitely, since the amount of life gained doesn’t quite equal the amount of life lost, but if you were to make it to shore you can then immediately turn around and start taking in great gulping mouthfuls of water to regain whatever health you lost.
CPR must never have been a thing in Fallout.
15 We All Have To Earn Our Keep
Fallout Shelter had its own set of bizarre customs that seem counterintuitive. Take the example of the random survivor that knocks on your vault’s door and asks for shelter. You’d, of course, let them in, since who wouldn’t want more free labor, but then you immediately set them to work in the most technically complex job imaginable without any prior training or supervision.
Sounds dangerous, and yet that’s exactly how we elect our politicians.
But seriously, this seems dangerous, and not something anyone should ever do while in charge of a nuclear reactor. Unless this random wanderer happens to have an engineering degree, in which case I can see us making an exception.
14 What’s Wrong With Fedoras?
There are lots of famous people who wear a fedora to great effect. There’s Indiana Jones, Dick Tracy, and the king of pop himself, Michael Jackson. And yet lately fedoras have gotten a bad wrap from a certain segment of the population wearing them ironically.
Fedoras should make you more charismatic in literally every situation, not just in a post-nuclear apocalypse. I think that Fallout is just presenting the world accurately when you suddenly get a +2 bonus to your charisma as soon as you don a wide-brimmed cap. Who would mess with a guy wearing a fedora? Last guy who tried to screw with Indiana Jones wound up getting shot.
Or he was abducted by aliens – I can’t remember. I actually fell asleep at the end of the Crystal Skull.
13 Who Ever Heard Of A Fat Wanderer?
In nearly every one of my playthroughs of a Fallout game, I inevitably wind up with a metric ton of foodstuffs. From grilled gecko tails to marinated mantis mandibles, I’m a vault dweller that eats like a king no matter where I go. I’d probably be the only guy in the post-apocalypse to actually gain weight while on his travels.
Sounds ridiculous, but think about it – the first thing I do when I run out of space is to eat whatever extra food you have in your backpack. I’m actually eating all the time as a result of picking up random junk and weapons from fallen enemies that I’m probably taking in thousands of calories a day. I could literally feed every refugee in the wastes if there was some sort of transportation hub leading to my backpack.
I could ride a bike I could feed the wasteland and lose all those unwanted pounds.
12 Where Everybody Knows Your Name
I’ve always wondered how people could tell who I was while I’m rolling around in power armor. There’s not a single piece of me visible to anyone, so I should be totally anonymous, and yet everyone knows exactly who I am.
I suppose I shouldn’t be all that surprised. I mean, who else is going to be running around in power armor? The Brotherhood of Steel, sure, but they’ve always got fancy paint jobs to distinguish themselves from the rest of the rabble. That and their armor doesn’t look nearly as run-down as mine does.
The whole floating name thing makes a lot of sense when you think about it.
11 A Whodunnit No One Could Solve
Spoiler alert: Benny is the guy who shot you in the head at the beginning of Fallout: New Vegas. He’s also Chandler from Friends.
Now that I’ve ruined the game forever, let’s talk about how dumb the guards are in every casino found in New Vegas. We’re talkin’ dumb with a capital D. So long as you’re not within eye-shot you can get away with murder. Literally.
And you do get away with this, over and over again. There are about a dozen quests, both main and side, that require you to infiltrate the various casinos on the Strip and kill people. So long as nobody catches you in the act, you’ll come out of every encounter the talk of the town, even if you’re covered in blood.
10 Don’t Mind Me, Just Sweeping The Dirt
Fallout 4 was a technological marvel. No other Fallout game has ever made a world seem more alive (despite the fact there was still a lot of death going on). However, in an effort to make the populace of The Commonwealth seem more lifelike they programmed each resident to do random things when you weren’t paying attention. But if you did pay attention you’d notice that some of the things they were programmed to do were pretty bizarre.
Take this humble farm worker. She is sweeping dirt from a field filled with dirt. One would think a shovel to be a more practical tool for the endeavor she has set upon herself, but no, she uses a broom. One might also assume she’ll switch to a more useful tool, such as a pair of tweezer, once one of those cows behind her decides to relieve itself.
9 Robots Get Buff In Later Generations
Don’t click there, it’s not actually a link. Actually, wait – no, it’s still not a link.
You may notice a certain resemblance between the two robots pictured above. That’s because both of them are Sentry Bots, however, one of them is from Fallout: New Vegas and the other is from Fallout 4. It seems clear that sometime between the two games the Sentry Bot decided to start hitting the gym in a big way.
Or perhaps it’s exactly as this advertisement suggests and the addition of Fusion Cores was all it took to get the humble Sentry Bot to become the three-legged death-dealing robot that we’ve all come to know and fear. At least, fear if we don’t have an EM Pulse Grenade. I always kept a few of those handy for these bastards.
8 Vault-Tec – Never One To Shun A Good Idea
To be fair to Vault-Tec, they did make a few vaults that actually tried to keep their residents alive past the nuclear Armageddon, but that was only because they needed a control group, and one of those vaults actually had a technical issue that prevented the crazy contraptions that Vault-Tec implanted from ever going off.
Most of the vaults created by Vault-Tec were actually insane scientific experiments designed to kill all their residents in bizarre ways. Like the vault that required a resident to be sacrificed every year, or the vault that was built with a faulty reactor and turned everyone inside into ghouls, or the vault that had only one resident and a giant cloning machine.
Actually, that last one did result in people surviving, but you could argue they weren’t really people by the end of it.
7 Shhh. He’s Just Pretending.
As much as I love Fallout games, bugs were a common problem among every title in the series. Take this one here, where the headless bodies of a thug is apparently only pretending to be dead. If the picture were a video, you’d see the guy get up and start walking around before attacking the player.
I kid, but bugs like that were pretty common throughout every generation of Fallout. Not only that, you could get some pretty interesting poses from the rag-doll physics of corpses. It’s pretty silly, but I guess that’s just the price we pay for use a massively detailed and populated world. There’s still, really, nothing else like a Bethesda game.
Freelance writer and contributor at The Gamer, Sean hails from Toronto, Canada. If you ask Sean what he likes, he’ll say, “Robots, Ninjas, donuts – in that order.”
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