Deviant: 15 Things From Nintendo Games That Are WAY More “Mature” Than Grand Theft Auto

Nintendo games get way more grown up than you ever realized. These quotes and facts will blow you away.

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Nintendo is for kids. At least, that’s the meme. Truthfully, it’s more of a meme that Nintendo fans use to put down any naysayers of the house of Mario. They reduce the arguments of PlayStation, Xbox, and PC fans to “All Nintendo does is kiddie games” because it’s an easier point to rebut than Nintendo’s lack of modern online services, inability to actually produce enough stock of in-demand items, or love of price-gouging fans with expensive peripherals.

Still, there is some truth in the meme. Nintendo consoles, even when they’re as explosively popular as the Wii or Switch, tend to be purchased with families in mind. You get the PlayStation for yourself so that you can enjoy GTA in privacy, or anonymously on the internet. But if you have kids? Then you convince your spouse that the Nintendo is for them, and enjoy Mario Kart as a family. And who hasn’t broken out the Wii during a family gathering so that even grandma can play the bowling game?

While Nintendo does tend to be the “fun time for families” company, they do have a dark side. Yes, we’ve heard the fan theories that Mario is actually a mass murderer and the entire Pokémon world is Ash’s coma dream. But do you know what Peach does when the Toads aren’t around? Or why Mallow enjoys pounding that Thick Club? Or perhaps most shockingly, what Link enjoys peeping on? Here are 15 things that show you Nintendo’s darker side.

15 Giving New Meaning To Harden

When most people think of Pokémon, they either recall the cartoon or the original Game Boy Games. Or in 2017, Pokémon Go. But try to tell someone that there are a large number of spin-off Pokémon games, and you’ll probably just get a raised eyebrow. So let me explain Poké Park: Pikachu’s Adventure. In the Wii game, you play as a Pikachu who is summoned to an island inhabited only by Pokémon. You adventure around, solve puzzles, and make friends, all with the goal of restoring peace to the island. That’s it.

Oh yeah, the Pokémon can talk. Well, it’s more that you’re a Pikachu, so you can understand them. What you might not be able to understand is this Primeape. In this dialogue exchange, he emphatically tells Pikachu that he mastered the move Iron Tail, but he doesn’t even have a tail. So what long, hard object does he swing around instead? Let’s let Pikachu figure that one out.

14 Peach’s Private Time

Super Mario RPG is the result of an interesting collaboration between Nintendo and Final Fantasy developer Square. The game was only around for four months before being eclipsed by Super Mario 64. But to the few fans who did play it, it was a fond memory that introduced many beloved new things to the Mushroom Kingdom (R.I.P. Geno).

It also added new…layers to existing Mario characters. For instance, Princess Peach, known then as Princess Toadstool. Early in the game, Mario can go into Toadstool’s room and look through her things. If he searches in the spot pictured above, he’ll find a secret item. Toadstool’s “Grandma” will bribe Mario to ignore it. Later on, when Toadstool is in the party, uncovering the item will earn a scolding from her about respecting privacy. So there’s a secret item, in her bedroom, that’s so private even Mario isn’t allowed to see it? Hmm….

13 Mature Poker? On Nintendo?

When the NES hit the world, the focus was on titles like Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt. As the home video game market was still untested, advertising games as toys made sense. So the more family-friendly games took the spotlight. Again, it’s that idea that it can be justified as a purchase for the kids, even if the adults use it too.

But games specifically for adults? Featuring nudity? That just wasn’t a thing. Except for Peek-A-Boo Poker. As the name implies, it is a strip poker game. Players play a standard game of five-card draw against one of three computer-controlled ladies. Every $1000 won earns the player a risqué image of the lady. The game didn’t do too well, as most stores wouldn’t even carry it due to its content. But that didn’t stop developer Panesian from releasing two more adult games, Bubble Bath Babes, and Hot Slots.

12 Mumbo’s Got A Jumbo

Banjo Kazooie developer Rare was known for pushing boundaries back in the Nintendo 64 days. Rare seemed to purposefully design characters to look like they’d be at home in the Mario world, and then had them speak in innuendo. In fact, that was the entire premise of Conker’s Bad Fur Day, a game about a cute squirrel who killed his way home after a bender.

But while Conker’s game was legitimately rated for adults, the other Rare games had to be accessible to kids. So the dirty jokes needed to be slipped in subtly. Or at least, as subtly as Rare was capable of. Take this rock formation in front of shaman Mumbo Jumbo’s house. If approached straight on, the player probably wouldn’t think anything of it. But when seen from above using Kazooie’s flight…well, let’s just say Mumbo seems to be compensating for something. Maybe he can’t learn Iron Tail…

11 The Racist Pokémon

Race is a very sensitive subject, one that adult-oriented games struggle to tackle to this day. Some tackle it head on. Others, like the new South Park game, try to be humorous about it. The results are mixed, and attempts to address race in gaming often garner more criticism than meaningful discussion.

Nintendo, meanwhile, was drawing fire for race issues back in the ’90s. And over a Pokémon, of all things. Jynx, one of the original Pokémon, has an ambiguous design that could be based on real people or mythological Japanese spirits. One critic seemed to think it was a black stereotype, and wrote such in an article titled “Politically Incorrect Pokémon.” This caused a very big and public controversy, to the point that cartoon episodes featuring Jynx were banned in America. Jynx was also officially changed to have purple skin in all future incarnations worldwide.

10 Zelda’s Fairies Are Thirsty AF

In most games fairies are innocent, childlike sprites. in Zelda games, however, fairies are full of desire and not afraid to show it. Most recently, The Legend Of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild has Link visiting fairies to get upgrades for his clothing and armor. These upgrades are delivered via physical affection, with the amount of contact intensifying as the power of the upgrade increases. At the highest level, the fairies grab poor, unwilling Link, hold him close, and drag him into their lair. When he returns, he’s out of breath.

It’s not just Link, either. Tingle, the odd man-child of the Zelda world, also gets some in his own game. At one point in the game, Tingle rescues the pink-clad fairy pictured above. She offers a reward that consists of the screen flashing with hearts while Tingle screams all kinds of pleasure screams. It’s as disturbing as it sounds.

9 Hey, Baby, You Ever Been With A Guy With Great (Poké) Balls?

I like to imagine that the writers of the Pokémon games have a game of their own going on. They’re trying to see how far they can push the innuendo in their dialogue before their bosses catch on. And for some reason, two decades later, they still haven’t gotten caught. Someone over there isn’t paying attention or just doesn’t care.

Other winners are when Professor Oak reports that he “came when I heard you’d beaten the Elite Four.” Talk about excitement. There’s also a random guy that asks what you think of the largeness of his area. No context. One girl exclaims that she really loves big things. Not just that, but she is wowed by Onix, the hard rock snake, and would love to ride one. There’s so many more, and the way things have been going, it seems like they’ll keep coming. Er, I mean, keep giving it to us. You know what? Never mind.

8 That’s…A Nude Hippo

In Link’s Awakening DX for the Game Boy Color, Link is quite the little voyeur. At one point, he encounters a mermaid who lost her necklace…in the U.S. version. In the original Japanese version, the mermaid has lost her bikini top, making her completely topless. Link can try to dive underwater and sneak a peek, but she flees.

In one of the houses in the same game, Link will find a hippopotamus that seems to be posing for an alligator’s painting. In the U.S. version, she sits down whenever Link gets close. This is a confusing action until one discovers that, in Japan, the hippo is posing nude. She covers herself with a sheet when Link arrives. The sitting was the Western version’s crude replacement for the tasteful hippo nude. Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d type.

7 Grab That Thick Club!

Okay, so the Pokémon writers really are just messing with us. In this scene that’s become a meme, Mallow asks the player to grab their Thick Club and pound it. Surely there’s context here, right? Well, barely. In Pokémon Sun and Moon, the player is challenged by Trial Captains to perform all sorts of tasks. For Mallow’s trial, she wants the player to gather ingredients and cook a traditional dish. Two of these ingredients are the Thick Club and Rare Bone.

After the player collects the items, the camera switches to a first-person view for some reason. Mallow tells you to grab the Thick Club and Rare Bone and go to town while she watches. You then “Press A to Pound,” her smiling face watching the whole time. When you’re done, you get to share its flavor with her and her friends. So yeah, not great even with context.

6 No Judgements Here

This one is a bug, but the implications are hilarious. In the original Donkey Kong Country for SNES, Donkey Kong has a host of animal friends he can ride. One of them is Rambi the rhino. A certain glitch can be activated if the player rides a barrel and then jumps onto Rambi with specific timing and while certain buttons are pressed.

If the glitch is successful, Rambi will transform into a gray Donkey Kong. This off-colored Kong will still act like Rambi, however, and is therefore still able to be mounted. And gorillas mounting gorillas is where things get weird. Because Donkey Kong (the top one) will thrust and buck as though he’s still riding a charging rhino. Only now he’s thrusting into the backside of another gorilla dude. But hey, no judgments here. You do you, DK.

5 The Hero Of Straight Up Shanking Dudes

The Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker is among the more whimsical of the Zelda games. It features a cel-shaded world that looks decidedly cartoonish when compared to the darker aesthetic of entries like Twilight Princess or Majora’s Mask. But don’t let the kid-friendly art style, or the literal child protagonist, fool you. This Link is a killer.

To be fair, Link stabbing Ganon is sort of a tradition for final battles in Zelda games. However, the finishing blow is often accompanied by some sort of magical display on Zelda’s part. Ganon doesn’t die so much as he gets sealed away or explodes into energy. But in Wind Waker, the tiny Toon Link just straight-up plunges his blade into Ganondorf’s stupid face. And leaves it there. No magic, no explosion. Just Toon Link being a savage.

4 Go Home, Wario…

Wario is the rogue of the Mario world, so him being engaged in uncouth activity should be expected. But in reality, his games are fairly clean. The exception being, of all things, a Game Boy Color game.

In Wario Land II, Wario can get hit by this penguin-looking enemy and turned into a confused version of himself. Like Link with his voyeurism, this effect varies by country. In the U.S. the enemy throws a ball that will turn Wario into “Crazy Wario.” He’ll stay disoriented until he either gets hit or gets water. Why water? Well, because in the original Japanese version Wario actually gets drunk. The penguin thing throws beer that will make Wario intoxicated upon impact. He’s even supposed to be called “Drunk Wario.” You’d think a guy as big as Wario would be able to handle more than one drink…

3 I Identify As An Egg-Shooting Reptile

Like race, video games often struggle to portray gender. Games that even address gender are few and far between. Leave it to an obscure, Japan-only Nintendo game to predict the future of gender issues.

Captain Rainbow was a Wii game released in 2008. In it, the superhero Captain Rainbow assists various lesser Nintendo characters to achieve their dreams. Early on, the captain must help get a wrongfully-accused Birdo get out of prison. Her crime? Using the wrong bathroom. Only she was actually using the right bathroom, the policeman just judged her based on her appearance. Sound familiar? That’s right, a strange Nintendo game from 2008 included the gendered bathroom debate long before it became a hot-button social issue. Also, you free Birdo by finding a certain item in her bedroom that only women use. What is it with Nintendo and digging through girl’s bedrooms?

2 It Hurts So Good

Earthbound’s final boss Giygas is creepy from the beginning. From the unsettling music to the boss’ erratic dialogue, this setup is already more than enough to give children nightmares. It only gets more horrifying once you learn about the memory that inspired Giygas.

Shigesato Itoi, the lead designer for Earthbound, recalled in an interview that he stumbled into a showing of the Japanese film The Military Policeman and the Dismembered Beauty. Itoi, a child at the time, was looking for a different theater when he walked in on a scene of the female lead being murdered right as she was preparing for some mature activities. This odd mix of violence and intimacy stuck with Itoi even into his adult years, and informed his creation of Giygas. That’s why Giygas mutters about being in pain but also about being happy. That’s some deep, and disturbing, stuff in what’s otherwise a whimsical game.

1 The Game Boy Centerfold

Rare wasn’t the only one sneaking naughty jokes into their stage design. In fact, Nintendo beat them to it by several years. In 1995, Kirby’s Dream Land 2 for the Game Boy featured a stage arranged suspiciously like the female anatomy. Or certain key parts of it, at least.

The stage (5-5’s secret stage for the curious) even had very distinct enemy placement. One enemy, in particular, was fuzzy, black, and sat right in the middle of that Y-shaped part at the bottom. You can see a picture of the little guy here. Now, why would there be a patch of fuzz down south like that? Hmm…

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Sergio is the Lead News Editor for TheGamer. But usually he asks people to call him “Serg” because he wants to sound cool like the guy from System of a Down. He began as a convention reporter for FLiP Magazine and Albany Radio’s The Shaw Report to get free badges to Comic-Con. Eventually he realized he liked talking to game developers and discovering weird new indie games. Now he brings that love of weird games to TheGamer, where he tries to talk about them in clickable ways so you grow to love them too. When he’s not stressing over how to do that, he’s a DM, Cleric of Bahamut, cosplay boyfriend, and occasional actor.

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