Krampus: 10 Funniest Quotes, Ranked

Fans of Michael Dougherty’s Christmas horror movie Krampus, starring Toni Collette and Adam Scott, should know these funny quotes by heart.

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The Christmas thriller-comedy from Michael Dougherty, known as Krampus, is one of a kind when it comes to epic horror. It’s both a monster movie and a holiday romp; one that’s atmospheric, spooky, and humorous all in one measure.

The unique premise of the film — a demonic counterpart to Santa Claus and his evil minions — sets the stage for some pretty funny, off-the-wall moments, along with plenty of chuckle-worthy quotes.

10 “We Should Have Gone To My Brother’s!”

Max’s uncle might be crude and abrasive, though he also provides another source for this horror-comedy’s goofier, lighter side to balance out the darkness. He makes it clear soon after his arrival that he doesn’t particularly care to be there. In fact, he bluntly states on multiple occasions that he regrets not going to his brother’s place instead.

But the comedic effect of this running gag is amped up in a heated scene involving a showdown with Krampus’ killer Christmas cookies. A baffled and frustrated Howard utters this statement as he’s withstanding a barrage of nail gun shots from the sadistic gingerbread men. It makes for some delightful comedic timing, given the absurd, dangerous circumstances.

9 “Twisted Fairytale Horse****!”

After spending several hours getting terrorized by Krampus and his minions, things really start to “hit the fan” for this family. The ghoulish Christmas elves break into the Engel household and snatch up most of the remaining family members. Ironically, this particularly creepy, desperate moment spurs some of the funniest quips from the frightened family looking on.

One such gem comes from dear Howard, who makes this fitting declaration as his loved ones are getting dragged off into the dark blizzard beyond. There is one little flaw in this statement though — these happenings are no longer just a fairytale.

8 “I Just Got My Ass Kicked By A Bunch Of Christmas Cookies, So Trust Me When I Tell You I Can Take It!”

Leave to Howard to bust out some of some of the crudest, most colorful lines in Krampus. While most have had to deal with their share of punishment from these creatures by this point, Max’s uncle only barely managed to ward off volleys of nails from the gingerbread men.

By the final act of the film, he’s ready to throw down — as he amusingly yells to his wife after she warms him that “you don’t wanna know” what’s lurking upstairs. Hearing a grown man confess to tangling with baked goods makes for a pretty goofy quote that embodies the craziness of this film.

7 “See Ya In Hell!”

It’s hard not to get a kick out of this sassy, quirky character, memorably portrayed by the late Conchata Ferrell. Dorothy’s often quick to bust out a joke and keep the mood light even in the face of killer toys and a demonic Santa. In her (apparent) final moments on screen and seconds from capture, she busts out one last emphatic zinger for the road.

This is made even funnier after Dorothy swiftly gets pulled back with full force by the evil elves into the blizzard beyond. This action is complemented by a comical “yanking” sound effect for good measure, making this over-the-top scene more akin to the Looney Tunes than a dark thriller.

6 “I’m Old Enough To Know When Life Is Coming At Me With Its Pants Down.”

Aunt Dorothy may have her sillier ways, but she makes it clear that with age comes experience and wisdom — even if it is tinged with cynicism. After all, she’s outranked in elder status only a bit by Max’s grandmother Omi. Of course, she manages to convey this wisdom in her own zany way.

As Omi explains more details surrounding the ominous Krampus, Dorothy chimes in with an apparent “translation” of her response to Stevie’s question — “but can’t we make him go away?”

“We’re ****ed,” is her blunt reply. How does she know this what the resident Krampus expert has said? Cue this amusing gem of a quote.

5 “For Your Sake, Just… Stay The Hell Out Of My Kitchen.”

The zany Aunt Dorothy has no shortage of quips and sassy remarks to keep the Krampus comic relief going. While she’s an amusing and generally likable character overall, her own niece, (Max’s mother) Sarah doesn’t quite seem to feel the same.

This is particularly the case early in the film, following a smarmy question regarding the “godforsaken concoction” Sarah is whipping up. This prompts a humorously blunt response, and some words of warning from a host whose patience is clearly short even before Krampus arrives.

4 “I Haven’t Had A Hangover Like This Since The Pope Died.”

Many know of the stereotypical portrayal of the “drunk uncle,” but in the case of Krampus, it’s Dorothy that steps in as the role of drunk aunt. Yes, one of her notable traits in the film, outside of her sassy sarcasm and quips, is her love of the sauce. As it happens, this comes in handy and proves pretty justified — given the terrifying circumstances and lack of electricity.

Naturally, she makes one last colorful reference to Mr. Booze in the closing scene of the film. She may be dealing with a hangover, but at least the looming threat of Krampus is gone by this point – or is it?

3 “A Little Sugar, A Little Spice… Makes Everything Nice.”

The middle of the film is something of a lull in terms of the action, though not when it comes to the building tension, as the family hunkers down in a snowed-in house without electricity — and there’s still that minor threat known as Krampus lurking outside.

What better time to numb the senses and occupy oneself than with some alcohol — at least this is the mentality of Dorothy, who proceeds to spike her hot chocolate with some Peppermint Schnapps. She then speaks this humorous and contextually-fitting line.

It does bring a least a dash of holiday spirit amidst this dark, creepy scenario.

2 “Jesus Was Born In A Barn!”

Howard certainly isn’t shy about speaking his mind when it comes to his conservative, gun-toting ideals. There are various funny moments that involve these sorts of statements from this tough, stubborn uncle — but this one almost certainly takes the cake.

After noting – not unreasonably — that he and his side of the family should have gone to his brother’s place, his wife Linda remarks that he “lives in a barn.” Cue one of the film’s funniest and most humorously-delivered quotes. It’s so typical Howard, and that’s why it’s great.

1 “That’s What A Family Is, Max. People You Try To Be Friends With, Even When You Don’t Have A Lot In Common.”

It’s easy to appreciate wackier quotes, and there’s no shortage of them in Krampus. At the same time, lines with a bit of profundity can also make for pretty amusing quips in their own way.

And though Max’s father Tom isn’t always the most hysterical character, he does have perhaps the funniest, most memorable line of dialogue in the film. It’s fitting when it comes to the film’s context, as this family of very different characters must band together to survive Krampus’ torment.

But moreover, it also has a bit of that “it’s funny because it’s true!” quality that really makes it stand out.

Link Source : https://screenrant.com/krampus-funniest-quotes/