Pirates Of The Caribbean: 25 Secrets Whose Depths We Couldn’t Even Fathom
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People think Pirates Of The Caribbean was always meant to be a family-friendly affair. These 25 behind-the-scenes secrets show us how wrong they are.
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“A pirate’s life for me,” they say, and they mean several things by it. You know. The black flag, the waving swords, the lots of treasure – and of course, sailing the high seas. But the Pirates of the Caribbean movies add a few extra things to this list, and one of them is pretty serious jokes.
All right, let’s be honest, grown-up jokes are probably very piratey, too. We have heard some of their shanties. But the Pirates movies aren’t supposed to be very lifelike – they are created after a Disneyland ride, after all. And while there are curses and swordfights and lots of scurvy blaggards, things are still ultimately lighthearted and somewhat friendly for kids.
Until you look a little harder. Because the Pirates movies just can’t resist making those jokes that go beyond kid friendly and dive straight into grown-up territory. There are plenty of jokes from all different angles — and, well, we have a whole long list of them.
Don’t worry, these hidden little jokes probably won’t ruin your memory of the Pirates movies. In some cases, they might make you enjoy the movies even more. But they will definitely make you think twice about having little kids watch Jack Sparrow and his team go on their adventures, just in case someone puts two and two together and realizes what everyone is talking about. So let’s look at the Pirates movies in all their glory, and giggle at the stuff the stuff we never noticed before.
25 Keira Knightley
Of course, you remember Keira Knightley’s character, Elizabeth Swann, who was particularly important in the first Pirates movie…and somewhat less so as time went on. What you may not have known is that Knightley was actually too young for her role in the first movie, a mere 17 years old. This meant that her mom had to accompany her on set as required by law, but we encourage you to cast your mind back and think of the various things Swann had to endure in Black Pearl (we’re gonna be talking about a few of them, trust us). There’s her being taken, threats, innuendo all over the place, and a number of off-colour themes that Knightley had to wade through…all with her mom watching closely nearby. Knightley did a great job, of course, but how would you like to go through that?
24 Popeye The Sailor Tune
While it’s not so bad, there is an incredibly inappropriate moment in Dead Men Tell No Tales that has to do with an anachronism – in other words, something that’s entirely out of its place in time.
The first scene we encounter Barbossa, he’s in a gilt captain’s cabin with a band playing nervously.
Barbossa is obviously discontent, even before being interrupted, but the true mystery of the scene lies in the tunes that the band is playing. One of them sounds very, very like Popeye the Sailor Man, a famous sailor ditty that, of course, wouldn’t be invented for another century or so (or, and in the real world, too). Granted this is a place where crazy magical things happen, but a song out of time is really pushing it.
23 Just Let A Girl Be A Girl
Keira Knightley admits that she had to undergo some questionable procedures to get her looking as…bosomy as was needed for the Swann role. Those low cut dresses and outfits were designed to show a little, but poor Knightley didn’t have enough for the studio. So, wardrobe sort of worked around her: Knightley admitted that for all of her more impressive dresses, there was an enormous amount of padding used to give her a curvier figure. That, combined with some very careful use of makeup, managed to make things far more, uh, bountiful. We can image everyone waiting around the set while Keira has her last-minute bosom work done, each person a little more embarrassed than the last.
22 Everyone Is Seasick In Secret
As you might realize, Pirates of the Caribbean movies take place on water. Sometimes fake water, sometimes real water, sometimes just machines that make everything feel wavy. No matter which way, there’s a danger of seasickness among the people onboard. And while pirates are apparently invulnerable to almost all types of seasickness, sometimes other people have to pretend.
Behind the scenes of the movies, tons of people were seasick, including many of the actors.
They tried music, medication, lots of little breaks, and anything else that could have relieved the sickness. Unfortunately, it only sort of worked – so when you watch the ship scenes, just realize that half the people in the shot are close to puking. Sort of makes everything more interesting.
21 The Soot Is Chocolate Powder
At various times in the movie, such as when Jack Sparrow and Will Turner first fight, lots of dust and soot that is thrown about, and sometimes used as a tactic in battle. It’s a nice way to add tension to a fight and also make things blurry for the stand-in stunt people, but there’s a secret you didn’t know about that dust: To replicate real dust, they used chocolate powder, the same kind you put in milk and sip to feel better about life. It may be weird, but it’s also really comforting to realize that when characters are having life and demise duels, they are always inhaling sweet chocolatey flavor at the same time. We’re a little jealous, to be honest.
20 The Infamous Skeleton Joke
There is a single joke that nearly drove Johnny Depp mad throughout the Pirates movies. He heard it so many times that it eventually made its way into a movie. Depp thought it was so dumb he could feel it sapping his brains, and that’s coming from the guy who played Jack Sparrow.
The joke in its entirety is, “A skeleton walks into a bar, and orders a beer and a mop.”
Yep, that’s it. In case it flew way below your head, it’s because the beer will spill onto the floor, just like the first movie showed. It’s very foolish, and you can see how you might go totally crazy if someone told you that joke almost every day for years and years.
19 The Ole Spyglass Joke
There’s a lot of…male anatomy jokes in Pirates. Trust us, we’re going to talk about most of them in time, but for now, let’s focus on one of the most obvious. There’s a quiet duel between Barbossa and Jack Sparrow in the first movie: Jack draws a telescope, and Barbossa draws a larger one. Later on, Barbossa uses his telescope, and Jack pulls out one so long in bends in the air. Obviously (up to a certain point), a longer telescope will help you see farther, which is nice for spotting enemies on the horizon. But amidst the many glances and smiles, it’s obvious that the two are competing about way more than vision: They are definitely at war about who has the longest mast aboard their ship, if you know what we’re saying. And you do.
18 Ships Are Other Things, Repeatedly
Onward to the next male equipment joke! It’s not only telescopes that get compared in these movies. The ships themselves are used as a comparison of, uh, the size of male anatomy, which makes sense – ships are the pride and glory of any pirate who owns them, so it makes sense that they would be compared to…other things prized by male captains. As Jack shows off the Black Pearl to two women called Giselle and Scarlet (they are sort of in the entertainment business, it seems), he finally notices that it is stolen and sailing away on the horizon. Then he assures them, “It’s much bigger up close,” an obvious reference to other nearby components. Other veiled references to ships and their attributes pop up throughout the movies because it’s just too easy a metaphor.
17 Bloom Has Secret Elvish Language
Nothing can be more inappropriate than another favorite movie genre popping up in a different universe. Well, unless you are into fan fiction. But even then, the most ardent Legolas fan fictioners might have a problem with this particular secret. You see, following Lord of the Rings, Orlando Bloom got a tattoo in Elvish on his wrist to celebrate the whole adventure. Understandable!
But they didn’t always bother to cover it up, and on rare occasion, in the movies, you can catch a glimpse of it.
Of course, you can’t think about it too hard, without wondering if Will Turner is really an elf, or if an elf is really Will Turner, or if both universes are the same at different times – or well, anything.
16 That French Joke Is A Little Meaner Than It Seems
One of the most famous jokes in the first Pirates of the Caribbean is when Jack is begging for “parley” which is a sort of guideline about giving mercy to the beaten and talking about terms of surrender instead of just slaying everything in sight. When Jack finally uses it against evil undead pirates, they say, basically, “Whoever came up with parley?” To this Jack answers, “The French.”
Of course, this is a pretty mean dig against the French, who didn’t exactly invent the concept of parley and who probably don’t deserve a reputation for cowardice.
So, a little inappropriate – especially since Johnny Depp lived in France for years afterward. It gets even worse when you realize he ad-libbed the line afterward, “They also invented mayonnaise” which seems a little unfair, because mayonnaise is pretty awesome.
15 Hangin’ With Pirates Isn’t A Good Thing
Elizabeth once again finds herself the center of attention when she is captured by the undead crew of the Black Pearl, and this infamous scene happens: Kept prisoner, she is “asked” to dine with Barbossa the captain, to which she of course she refuses. The reply she gets in return (from two of our “lovable” pirates) is, “He said you’d say that. He also said if that be the case, then you’ll be dining with the crew. And you’ll be [bare].”
Okay, let alone that Swann is an underage girl (technically), this is pretty clearly a threat of aggressive…actions against her. There’s no doubt how a dinner with pirates, while bare, would turn out. It’s a very dark threat in a movie that’s supposed to be lighthearted, and we’re pretty uncomfortable thinking about it.
14 Ankles, Eh?
In Dead Men Tell No Tales, one of the many naughty jokes occurs when Carina is leaping off a rowboat to escape to an island ahead of undead pirates (this happens a lot in the franchise). She tosses off her clothes to reveal, well, more clothes underneath. Henry exclaims “I saw her ankles!” in a delirious manner, while Jack comments, “You could have seen a lot more than that!”
The joke is that back in the old times, women used to cover their ankles with layers of clothing, as they were thought to be particularly potent parts of the body.
A man seeing a woman’s ankles back then was like seeing a woman tear off all her clothes today, which makes this scene more understandable and also more awkward.
13 Cannons…
Oh, haha, another obvious grown-up joke: Are you honestly surprised? And of course, it has to do with cannonballs, which are once again a simple metaphor. In Dead Men Tell No Tales, Jack hears that Barbossa, now a much more honorable and rich privateer, has cannonballs that weigh 18 pounds. Jack responds, famously, “One-legged man with 18 pound balls? No wonder he walks funny.”
It’s an easy dig at Barbossa for losing a leg, and also sort of a compliment, because, well, big balls. And as far as off jokes in Pirates go, it’s one of the most obvious. But obviously, we have to include it, because, amidst all the fast banter, we bet there were a lot of you who didn’t catch it the first time.
12 Where Has It Gone!?
As the Pirates movies progress, women are given more agency and better roles, which is great. However, the movies still have a complicated relationship with the female characters: They tend to get captured a lot, they are shown as a bit ignorant, and there are a lot of jokes and, uh, having them drink – especially in the first movie. There are multiple references to how pliable Swann might be if she drank some spirits, mostly by Jack Sparrow in the first movie. The intent here is obvious, and pretty much not ok for a kids movies. As far as inappropriate jokes go, this has to be one of the worst, given all the implications. You have to assume this would never appear in a modern Disney movie.
11 Yes, We Have To Admit The Rampant…
Speaking of drink, wow is there a lot of it. And that’s kind of a problem. Behind all the jokes and lighthearted pirate adventures, there’s definitely an undercurrent of, “Wow, these people sure have too much.” The more you consider it, the worse it gets. Jack Sparrow can’t really function at all unless he is having some. Hard spirits form the basis of many different plots throughout the movies, usually based on who is or isn’t drinking them. Overall, this is a story that is ruled by who consume, and how much they do, and wow: Just don’t follow their lead, ladies and gentlemen. Because just as an average guess, everyone is going to perish of liver issues about three months after the story is over.
10 Jack’s Night In The Safe
The first major moment in Dead Men Tell No Tales is when Jack Sparrow is found passed out inside a safe that was supposed to be protected from everyone. It’s a classic Sparrow moment, which also means it has inappropriate depths which pass quickly by if you aren’t paying attention.
You see, Jack is discovered sleeping in the safe, but he is not alone.
There is a woman with him, asleep in the gold, and it turns out to be the governor’s wife. It doesn’t take even a grown-up to realize that Jack seduced the governor’s wife and snuck into the safe with her to steal the gold before passing out. Yep, that’s pretty bad in several different ways, we are a little uncomfortable laughing at it.
9 The Sword Stuff Everywhere
Oh yes, we aren’t done with the traditional anatomy comparison jokes quite yet. We have compared ships, we have compared telescopes, we have compared cannonballs. What else is there? Oh yeah, the pirate weapons everyone draws from their waist to swing at each other. Take a look through the movies, and you will see multiple subtle references to swords and how they represent various body parts. Pirates is never afraid to go there, and it goes there so many times. There are honestly too many moments to count when the swordplay is actually wordplay. The playground humor is fine, we’re just glad they mostly ditch it in the real battles and let the sword fighting speak for itself. Uh, get your head our of the gutter, everyone.
8 The Really Bonkers Burn
In Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack Sparrow makes a random joke: “He’s no one, distant cousin of my aunt’s nephew, twice removed, lovely singing voice though. Eunuch.” It’s an easy toss away joke about Will Turner in reference to an earlier, even more tossed away eunuch joke. It’s maybe a little funny when you think about it and realize that eunuchs have had stuff removed, either in part or in full. But the joke is a little nastier than that: You see, eunuchs were much more common back in the day, and they were indeed, ah, cut to make sure they had lovely singing voices.
When boys were made into eunuchs, it was often to preserve their high singing voices, before their tone (and other things) would drop.
7 “Try Wearing A Corset” Is a Far Worse Line Than It Seems
One of the most awesome lines for Elizabeth Swann in Pirates is “Like pain? Try wearing a corset!” as she wallops someone. It’s a good line and a simple callback to her first appearance in the movies, when she is trying on a modern dress and finds it to be incredibly constricting.
Of course, there’s a bitter hidden truth in this whole joke. Because corsets really were painful. Back in the day, they used to tie corsets so tight that many people were permanently deformed from wearing them. And, as Jack Sparrow indicates elsewhere with some quick knife work, they really did constrict the lungs and make it hard to breathe, which led to a lot of passing out and the myth of the fainting woman. The whole thing is pretty gross.
6 You Are The Captain Now
A quick and horrible moment happens in Dead Men Tell No Tales. Jack Sparrow’s crew, helmed by the reliable boatswain Gibbs who has somehow managed to be in every movie, is about to be caught by one of the evil British ships (the whys and hows really don’t matter at this point). At this point, the current captain quickly realizes what’s going on, and hands his hat to a random sailor, nominating him as the new captain in the 30 seconds they have.
The next scene – there’s no easy way to put this – is the British beating the random sailor to his doom (we know because they literally say that’s what they are doing) while the kindly captain, now safely hidden, watches on with remorse. That’s a little too piratey, isn’t it?
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