Turner & Hooch (1989): The 10 Funniest Quotes From The Movie

Turner & Hooch is a Tom Hanks comedy classic with some of the funniest quotes in any animal-related movie, by far.

You Are Reading :Turner & Hooch (1989) The 10 Funniest Quotes From The Movie

The 1980s ended with a hilarious Tom Hanks comedy classic in the form of Turner & Hooch. The movie revolved around a police detective who ends up having to care for the only witness to a murder – a giant French Mastiff named Hooch. Hanks carries most of the comedy, delivering a ton of quality lines that had audiences laughing.

Turner & Hooch was recently given its own TV show spinoff, picking up where the movie left off. However, the original is still the granddaddy – a comedy classic with one of the best buddy cop duos of all time, who go from mutual hatred, to respect, and later, the bond between dog and owner.

“I Brought A Muffin For Ya! A Muffin, Hooch!”

Scott Turner dreaded showing up to visit his friend Amos Reed, knowing full well that Reed’s French Mastiff Hooch would be waiting for him. He wasn’t the scariest cinematic dog ever to be shown on screen, but he was nonetheless quite intimidating. Turner had obviously gone through the ordeal before, as he showed up with a muffin in tow, hoping to bribe the dog into leaving him alone.

Yet, Hooch still made a beeline for Turner, charging him down as the latter tried valiantly to show him the muffin. Hooch ended up knocking him to the ground and grabbing him by the throat before Amos arrived to pull him off. Before they all went inside, Hooch devoured the muffin, much to Turner’s annoyance.

“Hey, Shut Up! I’m A Policeman! You Want Your Car Towed?”

Dealing with Hooch for the first time was a trying affair. Turner’s house, and life, were both neat and orderly, and he wasn’t too keen on this bull in a china shop invading his life. The incessant barking alone was enough to drive him nuts, forcing him to wake up in the middle of the night and engage in an argument with the dog.

An annoyed neighbor suggested the two of them take a Valium and call it a night. Turner screamed back at him with this quote, venting his frustration with a hilarious threat. Turner was known for exercising his authority a little too much, but this particular demonstration wasn’t very convincing.

“No Begging For Food, No Sniffing Of Crotches, And You Will Not Drink From My Toilet!”

When it became clear that Hooch was going to stay awhile, Turner decided to lay down some ground rules. He brought the dog from room to room, showing him how nicely everything was laid out while telling him what was expected of him. Hooch’s reactions were priceless, and the dog definitely deserved an Oscar nomination for his performance.

The laundry list of rules was both funny and justified, but this particular quote stood apart from the rest. Dogs do all of the above, consistently, unless they’re trained out of it. The behavior comes naturally, and it’s an annoyance to dog owners who don’t understand the value of training.

“Don’t Eat The Car! Not The Car! Oh, What Am I Yelling At You For? You’re A Dog!”

Turner left Hooch in the backseat while visiting the police station at City Hall, which was a colossal mistake. The badly behaved and hyper-energetic Mastiff needed to blow off some steam and proceeded to do so by tearing Turner’s car apart, starting with the seats.

By the time he returned, Hooch had some serious damage to the car. Turner looked on in horror, yelling at Hooch while pedestrians walked by, wondering what was going on. The visual gag of Hooch treating the car like his own persona chew toy is complemented by Turner’s outraged reaction. He can’t believe the dog is destroying his car and there’s nothing he can really do about it.

“$97.51? I’m Not Gonna Eat This Stuff! Did I Buy Smoked Salmon?”

Turner was unprepared for the immense responsibility of owning a dog, particularly a large breed like a French Mastiff. He went shopping for some supplies, which quickly spiraled into a major cash investment the likes of which he had never seen before.

When it came time to check out, the cashier rang up a total of $97.51. Turner protested immediately, first asking if that was in pesos, before realizing the truth. Mastiffs eat a lot of food, and it can add up significantly over the course of just a few weeks. The sticker shock was funny because after all the destruction the dog had wrought, Turner still had to pay to sustain the animal so he could continue to make his life miserable.

“I Wish It Was Hailing, God. Send Me Hail! Hail The Size Of Cantaloupes!”

After coming home to find that Hooch had trashed his place, Turner snapped. He began loading his police revolver in the hopes that he’d be able to shoot the dog but lost his chance when Hooch burst out of the house. Having calmed down, Turner began repairing whatever he could around the house.

Hooch returned in the middle of the night, barking to be let in, to which Turner refused. He was happy to leave Hooch outside, even going so far as to pray to God for hail to rain down. It was a hilarious quote that is fitting for one of the best Tom Hanks comedies and best summed up all the frustration that had been building up.

“This Is What You Can Do If You’ve Got Thumbs!”

Realizing that the key to dealing with Hooch began with some basic personal hygiene, he decided to lay down the law. He first tried to wrestle Hooch into the bathtub, which backfired spectacularly. Quickly gathering that plan wasn’t going to work, Turner switched tactics.

He tied Hooch up outside and fired up the high-pressure washer to scrub him down. The angry dog soon gave in when he realized that Turner wasn’t backing down, taking great delight in defeating his opponent, thanks to a simple pair of thumbs clutching a scrubber.

“What’s The Matter With Your Mom? She Can’t Get A Car With Some Muscle?”

When Hooch ID’ed the man who murdered his owner Amos Reed, he gave chase, prompting Turner and his pal David Sutton to follow. They ended up commandeering a red car driven by a kid out to pick up groceries, which turned out to be his mom’s vehicle.

Unfortunately, Turner lost the perp after a brief car chase, which ended with this hilarious quote directed at the scared young kid. It was a testament to Turner’s inherent lack of anything resembling tact.

“Are You Aware Of Your Drooling Problem? I Mean… It Looks Like You Swallowed A Tennis Shoe, And You Got The Laces Hangin’ Out.”

The stakeout scene of Turner & Hooch is one of the most memorable of the entire film, with Tom Hanks bouncing off the energy of the canine in the passenger seat. It’s a wonder how much of the scene was ad-libbed, and how much was scripted, but either way, it’s loaded with laughs.

One of the funniest occurs when Hooch suffers two very long strands of spit that dangle off the corners of his mouth. Turner uses an analogy to describe what it looks like from his point of view, which had audiences laughing hysterically. It’s a shame the film isn’t more widely recognized for its hilarious buddy cop movie formula.

“This Is Not Your Room!”

Perhaps the most popular line in the film, Turner utters this quote several times when he’s teaching Hooch about the concept of boundaries. He brings the dog through each room, rambling off a list of rules, before proclaiming “This is not your room!”

In the final scene of the film, Turner is forced to deal with a new hellhound in the form of Hooch’s new puppy. Immediately, the chaos begins anew, and Turner is forced to go through the rules all over again while searching for the dog. He eventually stumbles upon the little tyke in the closet, delivering this line for the final time. The cycle of canine chaos appears to be starting all over again, but this time, Turner, despite his comical exasperation, doesn’t seem to mind.

Link Source : https://screenrant.com/turner-hooch-funniest-quotes-from-movie/