South Park: Jimmy’s 10 Funniest Quotes

Outside of South Park’s 4 main protagonists, Jimmy Valmer is perhaps one of the funniest and most charming characters.

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Outside of the 4 main protagonists, Jimmy Valmer is perhaps one of the funniest and most charming characters on South Park. Originally slated as a one-off counterpart for Timmy in the episode “Cripple Fight,” the “handicapable” Jimmy Valmer has become a SP regular and a fan favorite.

It’s tough not to love him, with his stutter-laced zingers and friendly, innocent nature. Like many of the more colorful characters that populate South Park, Jimmy has had quite a few funny, silly, and generally endearing quotes. While he didn’t appear until season 5, there is no shortage of memorable moments featuring Valmer.

Join us as we cover 10 of Jimmy’s funniest and all-around greatest one-liners.

10 “Wow, What A Great Audience.”

Unlike most on our list, this is something of a reoccurring quote for our favorite South Park comedian. Of course, a bit of context is necessary to truly appreciate this one.

Typically when Jimmy performs some of his classic stand-up, either on the stage or just trying to get his fellow classmates to laugh, he sneaks in one or two of these statements. The persistence of this classic quote from Valmer is admirable, as he’ll bust it out even if those in his “audience” don’t laugh, as if it were a tick. The nonchalant, unenthused way in which he comments on how great his audience is, whether true or not, has become an amusing trademark and quirk of this character.

9 “I Just flew In To South Park, Boy Are My Crutches Tired!”

Part of Jimmy’s charm is that he’s able to laugh at himself – and this includes his cerebral palsy. It’s this distinction that helps him to stand out, and he wears it as a sort of badge of honor.

This is established right off the bat, as Jimmy enters the stage in his season 5 debut, “Cripple Fight.” Just to cap off this chuckle-worthy scene, Jimmy goes on to make a “handicapped” crack about former President Bush, and busts out a slew of jokes that roast various figures of South Park. This is really a line – and a scene – that establishes Valmer as the lovable wise-cracking comic he is.

8 “The Fact That [The Douche] Is Giant, Renders It Useless, Adding A Parody Slant.”

Let’s be honest, there’s much to find funny about this rather blunt political commentary by showrunners Matt Stone and Trey Parker, called “Douche and Turd.” But amidst an array of hilarious scenes, Jimmy has yet another moment in which he takes center stage.

The boys argue which of their lewd and goofy mascots that they’ve come up with is the funniest. Is it a giant douche, or a turd sandwich? It’s a tough one, as they both have their own distinct comedic charm, but to help settle this debate, they turn to the expert in comedy, Jimmy. His analysis and eventual conclusion is an amusing one – partly because of how silly it is, but also because it actually seems thought out and has some merit to it.

7 “I’m Cool Like A Fool In A Swimming Pool.”

Jimmy is in top form when it comes to his wackiness during the episode, “Krazy Kripples.” In it, Jimmy and Timmy join the gang known as The Krips, which they mistakenly take to mean as a group “crippled at birth.” As they’re at odds with The Bloods, the naive duo naturally takes this to mean that they’re at odds with those that are crippled in an accident, as this is the conflict in Jimmy’s mind.

This leads to one yuk-inducing scene after another, as Valmer starts getting “influenced” by his new gang, busting out various bits of slang. Though one of the funniest (and most PG friendly) comes in the form of this line that he awkwardly stutters to his parents.

6 “Stan Says You’re A Cont…inuing Source Of Inspiration.”

Jimmy’s somewhat bumbling, stuttering delivery tends to add a little extra comedic flair to his one-liners, and makes him all the more endearing. Yet, it’s also gotten him into a bit of trouble on occasion. Case in point – this scene from the memorable season 7 episode, “Raisins.” Wendy and Stan’s relationship has been fractured, and she decides to break up with him.

But Stan, not wishing to give up, sends Valmer to deliver what’s supposed to be a heartfelt message to Wendy in order to coax her back. Unfortunately, Jimmy’s stutter kicks in at precisely the most inopportune time halfway though uttering this line, which she misinterprets as a harsh, sexist curse.

5 “…The Talent Show Is Happening Right Now! Let’s Get To Rammin’!”

This one will surely raise some eyebrows for those who haven’t seen the episode, “Erection Day.” Indeed, context can mean quite a bit in comedy, as is the case with this bizarre but hilarious premise involving Jimmy and a “lady of the night.”

Jimmy is attempting to wine and dine an escort before his big talent show. The reason? He’s having uncontrollable erections, and has come to the conclusion that the only way to be rid of them is to “get down to business” with her. Jimmy’s chuckle-worthy lines are abundant in this one, but this quote definitely stands out, largely because of the shocking nature of this lewd line, which is quite unlike Jimmy.

4 “…Because It Was Having Sex With The Chicken.”

During a particularly wacky episode with the “cheeky” title, “How to Eat With Your Butt,” Jimmy’s comedic services are in need once again. This time, Cartman has apparently blown a “funny fuse,” after seeing a married couple with butts for faces – an image so humorous that his funny bone has seemingly short-circuited.

Jimmy tries to help coax his sense of humor back and get Cartman to laugh by telling him some jokes. He first poses the question “why did the pigeon cross the road?” before continually stuttering his way through this chuckle-worthy punchline.

3 “…If You Do Win On Steroids, You’re Not Really A Winner.”

In an episode that cleverly draws parallels between Cartman joining the Special Olympics and steroid abuse, Valmer goes off in a rather emphatic way during the closing scene. Jimmy explains the merits of staying off the ‘roids for the sake of integrity and fairness, which he had failed to do when competing.

In a memorable speech that poses as Jimmy coming clean, we hear a thinly-veined slew of insults and criticism by Matt Stone and Trey Parker directed at athletes taking steroids.

It’s quite amusing seeing Jimmy indirectly cursing out Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, and Mark McGuire. He does this by claiming anyone that uses these performance enhancements is a “big fat P***y,” and that they should remove themselves from the record books because of this trait.

2 “The Economy Is So Bad, A Picture Is Now Only Worth 200 Words.”

One of Jimmy’s more endearing, laugh-out-loud moments, unfortunately, comes from a deleted scene from the episode “Reverse Cowgirl” from season 16.

Clyde’s mother has died following an incident with a toilet seat, prompting the formation of the “Toilet Safety Administration,” with the cheekily convenient acronym, “TSA.” Beyond this clever spoof of airport security, however, exists a scene where Jimmy spouts a number of laughers in order to cheer poor Clyde up. This topical zinger fails to get a laugh from a depressed Clyde, but no-doubt would have invoked yuks from viewers if this moment saw the light of day beyond the DVD extras.

1 “My Mom Says God Had A Plan For Everyone. I guess I was Plan B.”

This quote has quite a bit going for it – it’s a perfect representation of Jimmy, showcasing his zany ways and his admirable desire not to take himself too seriously. At the end of the day, as long as it gets some laughter, that’s what it’s all about for him. As it turns out, one of the first lines from this eventual fan-favorite of South Park is one of his funniest and most memorable.

While this newfound attention came at the expense of Timmy initially, they both managed to find their niche in South Park, at least after their brutal skirmish.

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