SpongeBob SquarePants: 10 Of Patrick’s Funniest Quotes, Ranked

SpongeBob SquarePants’ Patrick Star has plenty of memorable quotes, with most of them being some of the most hilarious in the show’s history!

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SpongeBob SquarePants has plenty of comedy, especially when it comes from none other than Patrick Star. Patrick always seems to know the right – or even wonderfully wrong – thing to say at any given time. Additionally, his delivery is what makes his hilarious quotes the examples of comedy at its best.

Audiences certainly have plenty of Patrick’s quotes memorized, especially since so many of them have become iconic SpongeBob memes over the years. Whether Patrick is introducing himself as “24!” in Mrs. Puff’s class or explaining to SpongeBob that the “inner machinations” of his mind “are an enigma”, Patrick isn’t short on silly quotes at any point in the series.

10 “Well, I’ve Done All I Can Do.”

SpongeBob and Patrick don’t necessarily have the time of their lives while Sandy is hibernating. She beats them up severely, believing they are Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry, and afterwards, the pair are stuck inside her treedome in a snowstorm thanks to a frozen door.

Patrick walks up confidently, believing an “open sesame!” will do the trick, and seconds later, admits defeat and says “Well, I’ve done all I can do.” Patrick gives up pretty quickly, which is on par given his track record. Yet, even from a simple quote, Patrick knows how to make comedy out of just about every moment.

9 “I Can’t See My Forehead.”

Patrick is usually happy and in a good mood, not unlike SpongeBob. Therefore, it’s funny when even the little things make Patrick mad, like the fact that he couldn’t see his forehead. Naturally, his mood changes in an instant when he finds out why SpongeBob was mad, and Patrick tells his buddy how much he loves SpongeBob’s idea to sell pretty patties.

Patrick may get mad on occasion, but he doesn’t stay that way for long. The fact that he was mad because of the stated reason above is pretty hilarious, since no one can see their own foreheads unless they’re looking in a mirror after all.

8 “Well Maybe It Is Stupid, But It’s Also Dumb.”

Patrick could’ve been a good lawyer; the only trouble is, he’s too good at arguing with himself. Take the example of when he and SpongeBob were telling Squidward about the dangers of sea bears, and Squidward certainly didn’t believe the two best friends.

Squidward went on to tell them how stupid he thought the very idea of sea bears were, to which Patrick replied by saying “Well maybe it is stupid, but it’s also dumb.” Once again, Patrick had a moment where he’s incredibly hilarious and doesn’t even know it.

7 “The Inner Machinations Of My Mind Are An Enigma.”

As part of a running gag on SpongeBob Squarepants, Patrick will occasionally show his smarts and use big words to formulate his thoughts, as is the case with the quote “The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.”

Patrick is keeping the contents of a secret box just that: a secret. Much to SpongeBob’s consternation, Patrick won’t allow his best friend to see what’s inside, leading to SpongeBob deciding to try to steal the box and find out for himself its contents. Patrick isn’t as complicated as he says he is, but it doesn’t take away the comedy of this quote.

6 “Is Mayonnaise An Instrument?”

Poor Squidward is in over his head when it comes to forming and leading a band, especially with Patrick as one of his pupils. Patrick isn’t the smartest in Bikini Bottom, but he certainly creates a memorable moment when asking if mayonnaise is an instrument.

It’s even funnier that Squidward knows which condiment Patrick will ask about next when he lets the starfish know that horseradish is not an instrument either. Patrick didn’t have a great band practice that first night between confusing condiments with instruments and becoming a part of his instrument after he made the mistake of kicking Sandy. However, Patrick’s misfortune makes for a great SpongeBob episode.

5 “24!”

When SpongeBob invites Patrick to go with him to boating school, it starts out as fun and games. From Patrick’s nervous introduction as “24”, he and SpongeBob, in true best friend fashion, make a joke out of it and determine that 25 is even funnier.

However, the fun and games soon grows stale for the pair as Patrick repeatedly gets SpongeBob in trouble. Still, out of all the things Patrick could’ve said when Mrs. Puff asked him for his name, 24 is pretty random, and obviously, incredibly hilarious.

4 “Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee.”

Patrick not only entertains audiences, but also himself. When forced by the Flying Dutchman to be a part of his crew, SpongeBob and Patrick reluctantly agree to take part in the Dutchman’s reign of terror over Bikini Bottom, so to speak, after witnessing Squidward be tossed into the “Fly of Despair.”

While out and about, the Dutchman howls, SpongeBob laughs, and Patrick sings “leedle leedle leedle lee” while steering the ship. It’s nothing short of ultimate hilariousness watching Patrick have the time of his life singing, and of course, damaging the Dutchman’s ship in the process.

3 “No, This Is Patrick!”

Patrick’s agitation grows each time someone calls and asks if they’ve reached the Krusty Krab, and Patrick responds that it’s him they’re talking to instead. In true Patrick fashion, he explodes on the last caller and grumpily utters that he’s not a Krusty Krab until SpongeBob informs him that that’s the name of the restaurant.

Patrick had a hard time working at the restaurant even with his best friend SpongeBob there to help. Despite his obstacles, Patrick still earned what he had gone to work to get anyway: a trophy. Plus, he gained quite a few laughs while audiences watched him attempt to navigate the working world.

2 “It’s Not My Wallet.”

While trying to teach Man Ray lessons in being a good person, Patrick is far from a good teacher to the villain. In fact, Patrick primarily succeeds in annoying Man Ray to the point of the villain wanting to commit crime once again; like, wanting to rip Patrick’s arms off when Patrick refuses to take his own wallet back.

Patrick claims multiple times that the wallet that Man Ray is trying to return to him isn’t his, even when Man Ray points out Patrick’s license is inside. Leave it to Patrick to turn an irritable moment into comedic gold.

1 “Where’s The Leak, Ma’am?”

While out with SpongeBob trying to put an end to the evil DoodleBob, Patrick takes a few good hits to the head, the first of which being a good-sized wrench landing right on his head and with Patrick uttering the above quote in a daze.

Poor Patrick only had seconds to recover before DoodleBob then aimed a bowling ball right for Patrick’s face. Even with what obviously was a serious head injury, Patrick still had a witty quote to go with the moment. Audiences probably wouldn’t trust him to fix their plumbing, but they certainly can expect a hilarious quote from him in just about any circumstance.

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